Two years ago…

Two years ago today, I decided to have weight loss surgery.  In one way, it seems like a lifetime ago and in others it seems like it was just yesterday.

I remember walking into the doctor’s office for the consult feeling very vulnerable and scared.  Then I stood on the scale and saw that number…256 pounds?  How can that be? How did I allow things to get so out of control?  I started to cry right there on the scale in the middle of the doctor’s office.  I spent a lot of time talking to the doctor about options and the different kinds of surgeries.  I left the office knowing I had to make a change – that was the day my life changed.

I haven’t blogged much in the past couple of months and I haven’t visited the on-line forums like I used to.  I think it’s because I feel less and less like a weight loss patient.  My life is so busy now and I don’t have time like I used to have.  I have a “new normal” that keeps me busy and active in my own life.  I love helping people and sharing my experience, but sometimes finding time is difficult.

This has been such an amazing experience and I feel so fortunate to have the support from my family.  There have been countless ups and downs, good days and bad, tears of happiness and tears of frustration.  I would not change a thing…

Too much travel!!!!!!

I’ve been home 5 days out of the last 26 days…I’ve been traveling more for work, then took a working vacation with Mr. McButterpants to San Francisco.  I leave again in a week for two weeks.  I told my boss that I need to limit travel starting in April because my son plays baseball and I am not willing to miss any of his games.  She was so nice about it, “No problem, I understand completely.”  Refreshing since so many bosses I have had in the past would not have been that understanding.

Our time in San Francisco was awesome.  We rented an apartment about 8 blocks from the ocean.  We have always stayed downtown or in Nobb Hill…this year we ventured out to the more residential, Outer Richmond.  We worked during the day and explored in the afternoon and evening.  It’s largely residential, so we didn’t have the sirens and city noise we have had in the past.

We walked, walked and walked some more.  We explored Lands End and Golden Gate Park.  We logged over 56 miles in a week…17 miles in one day!  OMG, I could not have done that 75 pounds ago.  I was tired, EXHAUSTED, but I was really proud of myself.  Though we were tempted at times to call a cab, we just kept moving and finding new sights to explore.  It was a beautiful day wondering through a beautiful city.

(One of my favorite spots at Fisherman’s Wharf…I could watch the sea lions for hours!)

We rented a convertible one day and hit the road.  We stopped in Pacifica and went for what was supposed to be a little walk.  It ended up being a 45 minute hike up a cliff.  It was beautiful!  Again, something I couldn’t have done 75 pounds ago!

(Our car is parked in that parking lot…)

I started back at hot yoga when we returned from San Francisco – it had been over three weeks since my last practice.  Wow, it was hard.  I didn’t feel good for a day or two after that first practice.  I have gone two days in a row now and am getting back into the swing of things.  I leave again next week, so I’ll lose it again!  Ugh!!!!

I’ve been absent…and…Happy 2015!

I haven’t posted in a very long time…I’ve been an amazing and busy few months, so I’ll recap what’s been going on.

My boss was fired – it needed to happen, he was incompetent and a chauvinist.  I got a promotion four days after meeting my new boss – she’s fantastic and I have a renewed energy about work…something I haven’t had in a long time.  I’m excited – that feels good.  I I made two trips down to Florida between November and December as we try to clean things up.  Work travel is always difficult with long days, limited time/energy to work out and eating can be difficult when you have to eat 4 or 5 meals a day.  I relied on protein bars and nuts for snacks.  We had a  Christmas luncheon and one of my co-workers said, “You eat like a bird!  You need to eat more!”  That’s always uncomfortable, so my reply was, “Oh this is my first plate, I’m going back for more!”  Of course, I didn’t, but no one noticed.

My husband and I took a 10-day trip to France – it was amazing!  We travel to Europe every other year for his work and we tack on a few days for exploring.  We had two full days to explore Paris and we did it on foot.  We logged over 20 miles and saw some amazing sites including how Christmas is celebrated.
Here’s my husband and me in front of the Eiffel Tower.  We went to the top even though I am not a fan of heights!  It was amazing and a little scary, but we decided we couldn’t pass up the opportunity.

We ate fantastic food while in France – I really didn’t think about my diet.  I ate really great pastries every day for breakfast, I drank cafe au lait every chance I could and I had amazing French dinners and even had REAL French toast as a dessert (OMG – one of the best desserts I have ever had!).  But what made this trip different from previous trips…I didn’t eat the amount of food I used to eat – I didn’t want to.  I ate until I was satisfied, then I stopped.  I even managed to drop a couple of pounds during the trip – how does that happen???  🙂
(Real French Toast…I didn’t eat all of it, but I enjoyed every bite I took!)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!  My goals for 2015…
2014 was an awesome year for me…I am amazed as I think reflect back on the past year.  I lost 75 pounds and gained a lot of confidence.  I feel like I’m becoming the person I was meant to be.  I am happy.  I am kinder to myself.  I am more patient with my family.  I feel like I’m growing as a person.  I found a love for hot yoga and hiking (sometimes in the same day) – they are good for my soul and my mind.  2015 is going to be a great year, too!

Two friends of mine and I started the 2,015 in 2015 Challenge…we will log 2,015 miles as a team this year (it comes out to about 670 miles each).  Anything on foot – running, walking, elliptical is counted.  I logged over 800 miles last year, so this shouldn’t be a problem, but I am also doing hot yoga 4-5 times a week.  I’m looking forward to the challenge and I have found that doing it with a buddy or two is really motivating.

We started our challenge by snowshoeing four miles today.  We have never snowshoed before, so we didn’t know what to expect.  It was cold…27 degrees, but we quickly warmed up.  I was pleasantly surprised – I liked snowshoeing and am looking forward to going again!  (That’s me on the right – it’s nice not being “the big girl” in pictures any more!)
I look forward to posting more pictures of my mileage and the challenge updates.

• So for 2015…Here’s what I’m going to do – not necessarily “resolutions”, but to-do’s:
• Log at least 670 miles for the 2,015 in 2015 challenge (I should do more like 800-900 miles)
• Continue hot yoga – 4-5 sessions per week
• Continue to work on the McButterpants Project – be positive in my self-talk, be a better version of me
• Don’t judge others
• Get organized and declutter my life
• Learn more about nutrition
• Be a good role model for my son

Happy New Year, guys.  Thanks for being my motivation and for finding my story somewhat interesting.  I hope I’ve helped you this past year – I know having people read my story is motivating for me.  I love hearing your stories and connecting, so please don’t hesitate to contact me!  MAKE 2015 GREAT!

Good riddance August!!!!!!

I say goodbye to August with a net loss of one pound.  Oh em gee…that’s frustrating considering I logged 90 miles for the month and moved my body 27 out of the 31 days in the month.  That’s a lot of hard work – I spent hours at the gym, walking the trails and doing 5:30 am hot yoga classes.  It’s irritating, but I’m trying to keep my chin up and not get too hung up on the scale.

My rational mind tells me the scale is not the only representation of how I’m doing, but it’s hard to not stare down at the number on the scale and get irritated and down on myself.  I feel great and have lots of energy.  I can see my body changing – hey, where did that bicep come from?!?!

So, I’m going into September with new goals:
1.  Move my body every day.
2.  Log 90 miles.
3.  Write in my gratitude journal very day.
4.  Log my food every Wednesday (I forgot to do it today, so I’ll log Thursday).

One year ago today…

I’ve been reflecting a lot the past day or so…One year ago today, I stood on the scale at the surgeon’s office and cried.  I knew about what the number was going to be before I stepped on the scale, but seeing it and hearing the nurse say it out loud, made it real.  I was in such a bad place mentally – I was unhappy, disappointed in myself, angry, and hopeless.

After the meeting with the surgeon, I came home and told my husband, “I want to do this.  It’s the right thing for me to do.”  I’m fortunate that he was so supportive of the decision and we had the financial means to pay for the surgery.

That day was a pivotal point in my life.  I started down an amazing path of discovery – I have learned a lot about myself in the 365 days.  I have learned that I am so much more than a number on the scale.  I was more hung up on my weight than anyone else.  I am strong mentally – stronger than I ever knew.

There have been many tears shed during the past year…In the beginning I cried because I allowed myself to get to the point of needing to alter my body to lose the weight I gained.  I cried because I was hungry, but making myself control my intake in the hopes that I could lose wait – giving it one last shot to do it on my own!  I cried because I failed again at trying to diet again.  I shed tears over the loss of my friend (food) that comforted me when I was sad or unhappy.  I cried when I was scared.  I cried when it took me 20 minutes to eat a couple of bites of scrambled egg.  Those were all tears of unhappiness, sadness, frustration, etc.  My tears now are when something really great happens – like when I tried on my first pair of pants from the Misses section and they fit!  When I was able to fit into a Medium top.  When the number on the scale no longer began with a “2”.  When I climbed up a butte for 6.5 minutes without stopping.  When I ran a full mile without stopping.  I tear up when people who haven’t seen me in a long time say, “Wow! You look great!”

My life has changed so much since that very sad day a year ago.  As I reflect back, it seems like such a long time ago.  It seems like I’m talking about someone else.  This has been an amazing journey so far.  I know I have more to lose and more obstacles ahead of me.  For now, I am going to be happy where I am.  I am going to be proud of myself for my hard work and accomplishments.  This process has become so much more than about the number on the scale or what size my jeans are.

Here’s my picture from “decision day” a year ago and me a couple of weeks ago…

 

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Happy Anniversary, Mr. McButterpants…and…I ran a mile. What?

Happy Anniversary!
Mr. McButterpants and I celebrated our 17th wedding anniversary yesterday.  I am so fortunate to have married my best friend.  We actually forgot our first wedding anniversary, so we pinky promised on our first anniversary that neither of us would get mad at the other if they forgot.  Now it’s a contest to see who can remember!

We had a great day – we started it off with a couple cups of coffee and reading the paper.  We then hopped on our bikes and headed to the farmers’ market downtown (6 miles one way).  We strolled along listening to some great music, sipping some awesome coffee and people watching (one of my favorite activities).  We picked up some great veggies that I made into an awesome omelet when we got home.  We watched some baseball on TV (my Red Sox aren’t doing well, but his Oakland A’s are doing awesome).  He did some yard work and I took a nap.  He made some awesome burgers on the grill for dinner.  We finished the day with a 3 mile walk at dusk with the dog.  No that is an awesome day!  No need for a big celebration or presents – the best gift was being able to spend the day with him.

I ran a mile without stopping!
Yep, you read that right.  I ran a whole mile without stopping.

About 12 years ago, I started training for a half marathon.  I was doing well until I got a stress fracture in my shin and had to stop.  That was the last time I ran.  I like running.  I like the way my body feels after running – it feels more “alive”.

I’ve been playing around with jogging the past month or so.  I started out slowly – running 30 seconds, walking 1 minute and alternating back and forth.  I slowly got that up to being able to run 3 minutes, then walking 1 one minute.  I know I don’t run fast and I probably look like I’m waddling more than running, but what do I care at this point in my life.

Last week, Mr. McButterpants and I were on a walk and I said, “I’m going to run for a bit.”  I took off and felt pretty good.  I ran a quarter of a mile and thought, “I am doing OK.  I can go for a bit longer.”  So I kept running…at a half mile, I still felt good, so I kept going.  Same thing at 3/4 of a mile.  I finished the mile in just over 12 minutes – I know, I’m not breaking any land-speed records, but WOWSA!, I ran a whole mile without stopping and I felt great about that.  I felt really proud of myself.  A year ago, I couldn’t do that, I could barely walk a mile without feeling pain.

My son and I did some running at the park a couple of weeks ago – I love exercising with him.  He has so much energy and has a way of cheering me on that motivates me.  He’s not judgmental or mean, he just pushes me.  “Come on, Mom, just a little farther.”  “You can do this.”  And the icing on the cake at the end is when he says, “I’m proud of you!”  How awesome is that?!?!  He wants to run some 5K events next summer – I think that’s doable.  I’m going to run 1-2 times per week to try to avoid overuse injuries.  I’m going to be smart about it this time.

Have a great week, everyone!

A day by myself and I ran…

I spent the day by myself today.  I don’t get many of these days – my husband is traveling for work and my son is playing baseball out of town.  I had all day to do whatever I wanted!  Freedom!

I had to get my son to his friend’s house at 6:30 am which meant a 5:30 am wake up call.  After I dropped him off I went to the grocery store to pick up the ingredients for a spaghetti dinner.  My son requested my homemade spaghetti sauce…I’m embarrassed to say, I haven’t made it since before surgery.  He and my husband love my sauce.  We’ll have it tomorrow night for dinner – it’s best if it sits overnight!

The dog and I then went for a 3.5 mile walk/run.  I had to get my exercise in before it got too hot.  It was a great morning and the sky was a beautiful blue color!

I started to run about 1 mile into my route.  I can now run for about 3 minutes, then I walk for 3 minutes and alternate.  I started out at 30 second intervals.  It started to get hot and I was tired!  The dog was hot and tired, too!  I averaged 15 minutes/mile for my whole trip – slow, I know, but among some of my fastest times!  And I ran more than I walked the last 1.5 miles.

I was also able to take a nap today – it felt good.  I don’t take naps often anymore – they used to be daily (sometimes multiple times).  I used to lose so much time to sleeping.  Today it was just nice to catch up a little bit and perhaps be a little lazy!

I got caught up on some paperwork – we’ve been traveling a lot with my son’s baseball team, so I have fallen behind on some of those home tasks like paying bills, sorting mail, etc.

I’ve accomplished a lot today, but I do miss my family!  I liked my day alone, but know that my life isn’t complete without the two men in my life!

Road tripping again…A Krispy Kreme donut and cinnamon bears were a bad choice!

We’ve been traveling a lot for my son’s baseball team.  Many, many hours have been spent in the car getting to the next tournament.  I love this time with my family.  We get to explore towns we haven’t been to and see sights we’ve never seen.  I have been good about packing and protein-rich snacks, like jerky and protein bars and I make sure we have plenty of water.  Yesterday, however, I made bad choices…

We stopped at a convenience store for a break and we were wandering around the store.  My son spotted the bag of Krispy Kreme crullers and picked them up.  I spotted a bag of cinnamon gummy bears and I mindlessly grabbed them.  Once in the car, I asked my son to give me a donut.  What was I thinking?  What was he thinking giving it to me?  I split it in half…yeah, like I was going to share it with my husband.  I ate it.  I ate it all.  I ate it fast.  It tasted OK, but not like when you get them at a Krispy Kreme store when they are hot and fresh.  A couple of minutes later I was grabbing my stomach and breathing deep.  Oh that was so not worth it!

If that’s not bad enough about 15 minutes later, I grabbed for the cinnamon bears!  The horror!  They tasted good, but wow…I paid a price for it.  My stomach cramped up, probably thinking, “What the hell are you doing?  We don’t do that anymore!”  What got into me?  Why did I reach for those bad foods?  Was it habit?  Had I temporarily lost my mind?

Today is a new day…a day where I need to watch my choices.  We will travel again this afternoon once our games are over today…On to the next town for tomorrow’s games.

Today’s plan – walk at least 3 miles (I pace during the game and wander around the park, so it’s easy to get in a mile or two during a double header); watch my intake and focus on protein and getting in plenty of water.

Yesterday is done – I can’t do anything about those bad choices.

6 month surgiversary!!!!! Wow – it’s been 6 months???

Starting weight (08/20/13):              256.0
Pre-op weight (11/12/13):               238.2
Today’s weight (04/13/14):             187.4

Total weight loss:                            68.6 pounds
Weight loss since surgery:            50.8 pounds

I’ve been fairly absent from blogging lately.  I haven’t been as active on the forums or my Facebook group either.  It’s been increasingly difficult to find the time to do my updates – I find that other blogs, You Tube v-logs, etc., usually slow down at this point as well.  I wonder if that’s because we have kind of found our stride and life is becoming more normal.

I apologize for my absence.  I believe that part of being successful is the accountability that blogging and being active in the forums brings.  I need that accountability.

6 Month Surgiversary…
Six months ago I was stressing about the surgery.  I was reading whatever I could get my hands on about the surgery.  I was nervous and scared.  Ready to back out one minute, then convinced surgery was the right option the next.

Fast forward to today…I’m living an active lifestyle.  I’m happy.  I have a better disposition (most days!).  I can’t believe the difference in my life today as opposed to 6 months ago.  I used to nap every afternoon, sometimes twice per day.  Now, I nap maybe 2-3 times a month and it’s more for a mental break than physically wanting to sleep.  It’s nice to get back hours a day.  I have so much more energy – I don’t feel like I’m trudging through mud any more when I walk.  I am physically stronger.  I am mentally more alert.  I believe I’m a better wife, mom, daughter, sister, aunt, employee, etc.  I feel like I am becoming the person I was meant to be.  I am more confident – I feel better about myself.  I’ve noticed people treat me differently now, but I don’t think it’s because I’ve lost weight, I believe it’s because I’m approaching them in a different way.  Gone is the “Screw You” written on my forehead.

I said in one of my first entries in this blog that I hope my only regret about having weight loss surgery is that I didn’t do it sooner.  I can say with great confidence that this is true.  I am saddened by the years I lost being overweight, unhappy (miserable, really), embarrassed, and just plain sick.  But, I have lots of years in front of me to enjoy my new life – I will cherish every moment.

So, with that said, thank you for reading my blog and sending me messages.  I love reading and communicating with you all.  I look forward to posting (more often) and getting more responses and e-mails.  You guys are awesome!

What a difference a day makes…

Happy Friday!

I’m on day three of my two-week pre-op diet.  Day 2 (yesterday) was harder than Day 1.  Yesterday was bad – I had no energy, I wanted to sleep, I was cranky and short-tempered, I had difficulty concentrating and I was hungry, really, really hungry.  Man, was I hungry and I was a bitch on top of it.

Today is a completely different story.  I feel really good today.  I have more energy (had a really good workout at the gym – 35 on the elliptical and 25 on the treadmill).  Mentally, I feel sharper and in better spirits.  It’s a completely 180 degree change from yesterday.  My hunger is much better today as well.  I’m not watching the clock awaiting my next feeding!

Halloween was a bit of a challenge – I really wanted some candy.  But instead I had a Peanut Butter Cup smoothie (scoop of chocolate protein powder, splash of sugar free Torani Chocolate syrup, 1/2 T. PB2 powder, 8 oz water and some ice cubes, whizzed up in the blender).  It was good, but in reality, I really wanted a dozen of those bit sized Butterfinger Bars in the candy bowl!