The struggle is real…
I’m at the two year mark. I’m scared and I’m worried. I’m struggling with some weight gain. I’ve allowed old habits to creep back into my life – Mindless snacking and making excuses to not exercise. Up until now, I didn’t see the impact of allowing these habits to return – it has become real with a 17 pound weight gain.
I had to verbalize that number…17…seventeen…SEVENTEEN…when I went to the doctor this week with a suspected gallbladder problem. I had to say that number out loud – it brought back memories of August 20, 2013 when I stepped on the doctor’s office scale and cried. The day I decided to have weight loss surgery. I felt defeated. I felt like a failure. I knew what was going on – I was procrastinating making my two-year follow up appointment. If I didn’t go to the doctor, that number was still just in my mind – saying it made it very real and very scary.
While I absolutely adore my doctor, I didn’t want to see her. She’s not judgmental – I take care of that on my own – I guess I wasn’t ready to face her or my weight gain. The gallbladder issue forced my hand. She is so gracious and thoughtful – there was no judgment. She asked what a typical day looks like from a food perspective – yes, I’ve been grazing a lot (my restriction is still really good, but I’ve learned that 30 minutes after I eat, I can eat again…taking in way to many calories). She asked about exercise – I’ve been busy with work travel, I haven’t been able to exercise on a consistent basis. In all honesty, I haven’t made it a priority for the past 3 months. Her response…a cleverly stated, “Exercise is not an optional activity.” We also talked about appetite suppressants…queue the doomsday music.
“I thought those days were behind me!” Meaning, taking an appetite suppressant is what I used to do prior to surgery – one of those things I didn’t think I would ever have to do again. It felt “diety”! Her response was, “Maybe this is what you need to get a jumpstart. This could just be a short-term solution to get you back on track.” We talked about my daily meal plan (3 meals with food and 2 shakes daily) along with the appetite suppressants. I reluctantly agreed and scheduled a follow-up appointment for six weeks. I went home and felt sorry for myself for a few hours.
I networked with some folks on line and did some research. Then I had an attitude adjustment with myself – I thought about how I’ve been eating, my excuses for not exercising, how I’ve lost my focus. I was taking my surgery for granted. I reminded myself that this is a lifelong commitment and that I still have responsibilities to take care of me and live the right way, I was relying way to much on my sleeve. I got defiant – fat was not going to win! I need to put verbs in my sentences and regain control.
So, the timing is great – a new resolution for a new year! 2016 is my reset button. I have some lofty goals with regard to physical activity: 1008 miles (a friend of mine and are doing a “run the year” challenge, our team of two will do a total of 2016 miles in 2016), 120 yoga practices and 210 days of at least 10K steps (trying to keep up the activity level, not doing a lot miles in a couple of days). I am also vowing to blog at least once a month in 2016 to show my progress – accountability is key.
I’m feeling energized again. I’m feeling like I’m working towards my goals again. In fact, I’m looking forward to 2016 – maybe this is McButterpants 2.0!