I can tackle that mountain – 3 times in a row!

I was looking back at some old posts and saw my post from June 6, 2014 where I made to the top of the 200 foot butte without stopping.  I remember that day well.  I remember that I cried when I got to the top.  I remember how hard it was and how my son cheered me on to not stop, that we were almost to the top and to keep going.  That was an emotional day.

Well, I’ve come a long way in 4 short months…I can now climb up that same butte, three times, back to back to back without stopping and we even run up the last 30 yards to the top!  Talk about a sense of accomplishment.  We timed ourselves once and it takes between 5 minutes and 6 minutes to do the climb – that doesn’t sound like a lot until you’re about two minutes into and your lungs are burning, your legs are tired and you are gasping for breath.  It’s not easy.  It’s physically and mentally hard…but the reward at the top, is so worth it!
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The comparison game…One person is always going to leave that conversation unhappy.

You can compare salaries, square footage of your house, cars, clothes, handbags, etc. It will always leave someone feeling inadequate. A weight loss journey is no different.

It’s called envy.

envy     noun
a feeling of discontent or covetousness with regard to another’s advantages, success, possessions, etc.

My life is mine and mine alone. I don’t share it with anyone else – it belongs to me. So why would I want someone else’s “advantages, success, possessions, etc.”! I have my own “advantages, success, possessions, etc.”!

I haven’t always thought like this. I’ve looked at tons of bodies and thought “I would be happy if I looked like her.” I’ve looked at other people’s houses and said, “I wish I could live there!” I’ve looked at someone’s car and proclaimed, “I would look awesome behind that wheel!” But things are different now.

I don’t recall a time in my adult life that I have felt true happiness or contentment. I don’t recall a time where I wasn’t searching for something – it could have been a bigger house, a nicer car, a smaller body, a different, more attractive face, longer hair, etc. Searching, searching, searching and never finding the “it” I was looking for.

I have identified “it”…”it” is called PEACE.

peace         noun
freedom of the mind from annoyance, distraction, anxiety, an obsession, etc.; tranquillity; serenity.

I see glimpses of peace – I am learning to be at peace with myself. Learning to be content with my body, my life, my surroundings and my possessions.  Some days I get down on myself because I haven’t lost as much as I hoped or as much as other people who had surgery at the same time…

I definitely have more peace today than I had a year ago.

Hair…and…One week down, one week to go!

Hair…
I have always had a thick head of hair – stylists have always commented on how thick it is and the great texture is a dream to cut.

I lost a lot of hair post op – when I say a lot, I mean A LOT. It was disturbing how much hair I lost between months 2 and 6. I remember standing in the shower crying as I stared down at my hands full of hair. I would stare at the bathroom floor in astonishment after I dried my hair wondering if I was going to lose it all eventually. It was horrifying.

I have been seeing some regrowth for the past couple of months. Little wispy hairs that stand straight up from my scalp started to pop up. My bangs were growing in making styling very difficult, but I saw progress. Slow progress, but progress nonetheless.

I got my haircut the other day and my stylist was amazed at what she saw. She proclaimed, “I didn’t think it was possible, but it looks like your hair is coming back thicker than it was before!” I still went with a short cut this time…the new hair is almost caught up to the old, so I should be able to start growing it back out. I kind of like my short cut – I’ve had a couple of comments about how cute it is. Maybe it makes me look younger! J

One week down…one to go! Ugh.
I’ve been out of strenuous exercise for a week now due to the stitches on the side of my knee. I’ve tried to do some exercise, but can feel the stitches pull and it’s uncomfortable. Also, the doc said, “If you pull a stitch it’s a 30 day recovery.”

I’ve been walking outside the past few days and it feels good. The weather has been awesome – cool with a nice breeze, it’s certainly feeling like fall!

I hope on Wednesday when I get the stitches out that they will release me to go back to yoga and doing more strenuous exercise like a gym workout and running. If not, I’ll continue to walk and log my miles!

So I’ve been thinking a lot about my activity level the past week or so. A year ago this would have been fairly normal for me – going days without exercising or even leaving the house. Now it seems so wrong. I feel the need to move my body, it feels good to move my body and I truly miss it when I can’t exercise. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve said, “A year ago, this didn’t seem possible”, “Compared to a year ago”, etc. My life is so different today than it was a year ago. I would have never guessed I would be addicted to yoga or would be looking forward to working out. Wow, have things changed!

Have a great week, guys!

Attitude adjustment time…

I had to have an attitude adjustment with myself this morning.  I’ve been feeling down the last couple of weeks and a little unmotivated.  I have been out of sorts for the past week because I can’t do the exercise I want to do due to the stitches in my leg.  No yoga, no gym, no hiking or running only walking.  I’ve been annoyed at the bandaids I’ve had to put on the spots the dermatologist worked on now have irritated skin from the adhesive on the bandaids.  The location of the stitches if on the outside of the right leg, right by my knee, so the stitches pull all the time and it hurts and it’s annoying.  So my response to that has been to feel sorry for myself, not walk and eat a fair amount of junk food.  Yeah, not my proudest moments!

My talk with myself this morning consisted of, “Get off your ass, even if it’s just walking.  Move your body!”  “Stop eating so much junk and get back to eating foods that make you feel good.”  “Accept the fact that you have stitches and be happy that in a week, your life will be back to normal.”  That was my attitude adjustment – stop feeling sorry for yourself, there are people out there with real problems.

I’ve laid out my goals for October – I stopped making weight loss goals months ago.  I can’t control if my body releases weight or not, I can only control what I put in my mouth and what I do to move my body each day.  Here are my goals for October:

  • Move my body each and every day
  • Log 65 miles
  • 20 yoga sessions
  • Incorporate one shake per day into my diet (I believe this helps with my snacking)
  • Take my vitamins and supplements daily (I’ve been bad the past few months on this)

I felt better after I sat down and laid out my goals.  I am a taskmaster by nature, so having a to-do list helps me.  I have my plan for the rest of the week laid out in my planner on my desk so I see it throughout the day and have reminders set in my phone.

Have a great October everyone!

It’s my birthday…and…back to the dermatologist

Today is my 45th birthday.

I remember my birthday last year…I didn’t want to celebrate my birthday.  I felt old.  I felt bad.  I was unhealthy.  I was in a funk mentally.  I actually called it my UN-birthday!

Today is different.  I feel great physically and mentally.  I have my life back.  Although I am not shouting from the rooftops that I am a year older and hitting a milestone birthday, I’m not shunning it like birthdays past.  I am in better shape than I have been in over a decade.  I’m happier and more active.  I am celebrating my birthday this year, in my own way…I took the day off from work.  I drank coffee from my new mug (birthday present to myself) and read the paper.  I watched some TV and took a nap.  My husband, who is traveling, sent me beautiful flowers.  I am a lucky girl.
flowersBack to the dermatologist….

So a couple of weeks ago I urged everyone to make their appointments with their dermatologists to get their screenings done.  Late last week the doctor’s office called and said that two of the spots that they took were OK, just moles, but the third one has atypical cells and they need to go back in and “get the rest of it”.

I had another mole removed about 10 years ago that had atypical cells and it didn’t bother me like this one did.  I don’t know why this time I am so worried, but it’s renting a lot of space in my head.  I already have a reminder in my planner to call for next year’s screening.

So I went in this afternoon for a birthday procedure!  I just wanted resolution to this and get it over with so I scheduled for their first available appointment, which happened to be my birthday.

The doctor explained that the spot they removed from outside of my right knee was severely atypical, not melanoma.  Insert sigh of relief here.  I have family history of melanoma and was very concerned about that.  So, she took a larger spot out, about 8 mm.  I have one internal stitch and four external stitches.  This sample will be tested to make sure the margins are clear.  I have to go back in two weeks to get the stitches removed and schedule another follow up appointment for six months.  I now eye every mole and spot on my body wondering if they are going to be my next problem area.  The doctor explained that since I have had two atypical readings and my family history, we need to take this seriously.  So, wear a hat (ugh), apply sunscreen (and reapply) and limit sun exposure (hard to do when your son plays baseball all summer!).  I’m taking this seriously and implore everyone reading this to get your screenings done.

So, I’m out of hot yoga for the next two weeks because she fears I will pop a stitch.  Ugh!!!!!

Gratitude…

gratitude

I love fall…I love the cool weather, the changes of colors in the trees and opening the windows to let in the clean air.  I love sitting on my patio, sipping a cup of coffee or chai tea feeling the cool breeze and warm sun on my skin.

Falls feels like “new” to me, just as Spring does.  It’s a time to renew, reset, recharge.  I got a new planner/calendar the other day, one in which I can track all of the family’s activities, and plan and track my exercise.  There’s also a section that I have reserved for my gratitude journal.

I journal every day – writing down random thoughts, worries, regrets, happenings, etc.  My favorite part of journaling is the Gratitude portion and instead of keeping it tucked away in my journal, I’m going to add it to my new planner so it’s visible and easier to refer back to.  My Gratitude Journal is comprised of three things:

  • Today I feel…
  • Today I am thankful for…
  • Today I will…

I think it is so important to express your gratitude and thankfulness.  I think it is good for your soul.  We deal with so much negativity in our lives – negative colleagues, friends or family members, news reports of horrible things going on, situations at work or at home.  Expressing gratitude is acknowledging the really great things we all have in our lives even things appear to bleak or troubled.

Some examples of my recent entries:
Today I feel…like crap, tired, energized, excited, scared, worried.
Today I am thankful for…my husband, my son, a strong cup of coffee, hot yoga, good running shoes, my strength.
Today I will…go for a walk, be nice to (insert name here), plan my day better, have a positive attitude.

Do you journal?  Do you express gratitude in some way?

Color Me Rad!!!!! I did a 5K!

Yep, I did the Color Me Rad 5K fun run this morning!  I made it – I didn’t run fast, I didn’t break any land speed records and I did walk a few times, but I did it and I had a blast!

It’s been probably 30 years since I ran in a 5K and about a month since I’ve jogged (and at that, I jogged a mile).  I was worried that I would slow my friends down and have to the one that said, “I need to walk a bit”.  But there was really no pressure, we walked when we needed to and walked thru the stations where you get the colored dust thrown at you.  I think we ended up walking only three or four times.

It was a beautiful fall morning with great friends.  I’m blessed and I’m proud of my accomplishment.  This is another one of those times I proclaim, “A year ago, I never would have thought I would do this!”  It makes me happy and proud and brings a tear to my eye when I think how far I’ve come.  It’s another step in this amazing journey.
color me rad for blogLook at that smile on my face!  LOL!